The Part of Motherhood No One Warns You About: Being the Default Parent
You know what sucks more than motherhood? Being the primary parent.
It doesn’t matter what task I’m trying to complete—cooking, folding laundry, building a toy, taking the trash out, even making a simple phone call—I have to do it while still tending to my baby’s needs. Always.
If I’m in the kitchen, I’m also making sure he’s not climbing onto the table. If I’m on the phone, I’m shoving snacks into his hands so he doesn’t start screaming. If I’m folding laundry, I’m stopping every 30 seconds to stop him from un-folding it.
Meanwhile, my wonderful husband can complete any task without interruption. He can get into that deep, focused “zone” and actually finish something. You know why? Because of me. Because I’m the one keeping our baby alive, entertained, and safe while he works.
And yes—he does the same for me sometimes. But here’s the thing: when I get “focus time,” it’s usually for household admin work—making phone calls, dealing with billing or healthcare, printing documents, answering emails. It’s one or two hours here and there, and even then, the baby still wanders into my space and interrupts me. I often have to stop what I’m doing to call my husband in to get him.
So even my “uninterrupted time” isn’t truly uninterrupted.
It’s exhausting. It’s infuriating. And it makes me resentful, even though I don’t want to be.
This isn’t about loving my husband less. It’s about the imbalance. He gets protected time; I don’t. He gets to focus; I’m always half here, half there.
And I hate that I’ve been taught to just “swallow it” — the jealousy, the anger, the frustration — instead of saying, This isn’t fair. This is unsustainable.
Because the truth is: resentment is just your brain’s way of saying, I’m overextended and the balance is broken.
- Me